The Truth About False Memories

I was outraged that this week another support worker basically accused me of trying to plant false memories into one of the clients that I support - can you believe that??

My colleague's accusation floundered me. I mean, how would you even go about doing such a thing?! Creating a false memory? Let's try creating a relatively nice memory - how might that go?

* * *

"Remember that rose garden where we sat together, sipping lemonade and eating jam tarts?"

"Uh, no."

"Sure you do, the sun was setting and you told me how much you loved my company."

"No, really. That didn't happen."

"The wind was just tickling the leaves of the pear tree and we laughed at how there was only one strawberry jam tart left and that was your favourite."

"That's a fantasy you just made up. Anyway, I prefer raspberry."

"Remember how I dropped the strawberry tart as I was passing it to you and you cried and I said not to worry, it had landed jam side up."

"Stop it. You're annoying me. Leave me alone."

"I dried your tears and you ate the tart and you smiled. Such a lovely smile."

"If you speak to me again, I'll punch you, I swear."

***

Sure, see how easy it is??

I can't respond to this without pointing out with all seriousness that so-called 'False Memory Syndrome' was invented by people accused of sexual abuse and in particular, abusing children. Check out this interview made by one of the founders, Ralph Underwager. And then try to work out why this man, who sees paedophilia as a 'responsible choice' for individuals who have that inclination, might also be a proponent of False Memory Syndrome? It is so dodgy! And there is something very disturbing about the idea that he is also a priest.

Two of the other founders are a couple. Their daughter claimed that her father abused her when she was a child. The daughter's therapist was accused of somehow implanting these false memories into their daughter's mind.

This woman at work has got me rather worked up, because the whole idea of 'False Memory Syndrome' is a weapon to be used to cloud and manipulate people who have had real memories of abuse, which they may have not been able to fully remember in an unconscious attempt to protect themselves from pain. This is known as disassociative amnesia, which is a real phenomenon.

I'd like to add a quote from an article, about why False Memory Syndrome is appealing to some people even those who are not abusers seeking a plausible-sounding defence:

"The notion that therapists can implant scenarios of horror in the minds of their patients is easily accepted because it appeals to common prejudices. It resonates with popular fears of manipulation by therapists and popular stereotypes of women as irrational, suggestible, or vengeful. It appeals to the common wish to deny or minimize the reality of sexual violence. In actuality, false claims of childhood sexual abuse are demonstrably rare, and false memories of childhood trauma are no doubt equally so. The evidence comes from epidemiological research, investigations of sexual abuse reports, and studies on the nature of traumatic memory."

From The False Memory Debate: Social Science or Social Backlash? by Judith L. Herman and Mary R. Harvey, The Harvard Mental Health Letter, Vol. 9, No. 10, April, 1993.

I had one New Year's Resolution - to get fit.

My partner Ed is extremely fit. He rides 9 miles to and from work most days. He can do hours of downhill cycling and cross country. I can do minutes.

I admire him a lot. I don't need to be quite that fit, but I know I need to make an effort to get fitter. It will give me more energy and confidence, help me lose a little weight and improve my overall health.

I want to join a gym so that I have access to some good facilities. In my home town of Plymouth, Devon, there is a lot of choice.

The cheapest gym in my area is a membership of £4 per year and then £1.50 per session. This is Heartbeat, a gym intended to support those with heart problems, but that is also open to the public. It is really a charity that accepts your donation and offers you use of their facilities. I haven't visited it yet or made any enquiries, but that is a very reasonable price.

The most expensive is The Devonshire Racquet and Squash Club, run by Esporta. Their Off Peak membership is £56 per month. This does include a lot for the money, to be fair, such as personal trainers etc., but I just can't justify the expense!!

Labour of Love

It's been so long since I've written anything here at all.

Ed and I finally got the keys to our house at the end of October 2009. We were disappointed when we stepped inside. It hadn't been properly cleaned and there was lots of rubbish to get rid of - broken pictures, odd bits of junk. So we spent our first day just cleaning.

We soon discovered that the oven didn't work - we tried cooking a pizza and managed only to defrost it! It turned out that the previous owners had been going down to the shed at the bottom of their garden to cook on a camping stove - amazing! Ed's folks lent us their convection oven/ microwave. After a while, they said we could keep it, because they'd bought a new one. I changed the filter on the extractor fan to get rid of the smell of fish. Ed's Mum helped us clean up the gas hobs and we could use them for cooking again.

We ripped out the hallway carpet that smelt of dog and looked very dirty indeed, but decided not to put down fresh carpet until we had painted the hall.

We discovered that the old lathe and plaster wall in the larder under the stairs was crumbling, so we had to pull it down. The plaster was made from lime, sand and horse hair and the original lathes were nailed on with square head iron nails. It could well have been as old as the building itself (1850s). I had wanted to keep the old plasterwork, or fix it up somehow, but it just wasn't possible. I would have to go and shave some horses for a start to get the horsehair, and I can't imagine that they'd have been best pleased about that! So, to spare the horses, we had a plasterer put up some plasterboard and once the plaster dried, we painted over. The end result was clean looking walls, with the old lathes hidden beneath, should anyone want to see them in a few decades. Ripping out the old plaster produced this fine, dry dust that seemed to get under the facemasks and settled over everything we owned. Thanks to Kate, who did the bulk of this job.

By this point we had already painted the master bedroom, kitchen and bathroom. The wooden floor was waxed and polished. Curtains and blinds were hung up and furniture moved in. We bought a king sized bed from John Lewis for £275 and a mattress from Furniture Village for £299 (reduced from £999). It was incredibly heavy, but it seems to be great quality and tough enough to last for years and years - we hope!

Ed wallpapered the living room due to this room still having the original lumpy-bumpy walls. We realised that trying to take off the lining paper etc. would result in a cracking and collapse and we'd have to get that plastered too, and this would cost us time and money. It was the first time that Ed had done any wallpapering and he really struggled to get a good finish on these walls. At least he is tall and didn't have to use a stepladder, as I would have. The end result is quite beautiful. We used Laura Ashley wallpaper so that the fine quality would help hide the lumps and bumps, which I think worked.

And so, in these different ways, we personalised the house and began to feel like it was ours.

Unfortunately, we had a lonely Christmas after contracting both the Norovirus. We were horribly sick and were aware just how contagious it was, so shut ourselves in to try and contain it. All in all, we were sick for about 1 month, having also caught the flu at the same time. Worst luck.

Our To Do List for when we are fully recovered :

• the hallway (strip old gloss paint, repaint, paint walls and ceiling, lay carpet)

• the larder (shelves need putting up)
  

• the spare bedroom (ceiling, walls, skirting and carpet, furnishings).
• mirrors (I have no idea how I look anymore. The largest mirror I have is 8cm in diameter! Mirrors will also help to reflect light in the smaller rooms.)
  
• door frames (need to paint or sand down to original wood)
• built in wardrobe (needs finishing)
  

• the shed (needs painting, securing and to be supplied with electricity)
  
• the garden (sawing back the budleias, growing flowers, deciding what to do with the tiny pond).

So still lots to do! I think we will be working on this for a long time to come. I think it is really a labour of love. Big thanks to Kate, Gerald and Valerie for all their help.

Woooooh! We had an offer accepted! It is a 2 bedroomed cottage originally built in the 1850s to house railway workers. The old part of the house is pretty tiny, but it does have this fabulous kitchen extension with a partially glazed roof. There are 2 woodburners downstairs and 2 fireplaces upstairs and oak floors almost everywhere. It is efficient to heat. The kitchen is lovely and light.

The south-facing garden has a lawn, a pond, a marble table and a number of trees - pear, apple, cherry, eucalyptus and some overgrown budleias that should provide fuel for the woodburners!!

Ed and I are super-happy! When we made the offer, the vendors hadn't made an offer on anywhere themselves, which was a bit worrying. But now they've made an offer, it's been accepted and it's chain-free. So we're hoping that the process will go smoothly and we'll be able to move in sometime in September.

Yeah! Exciting times!! Our own house! It is not a large house, nor does it have a large garden, but it has everything we need to be happy.

We have been offered furniture donations from friends and family, which will come in really handy, but still need to buy a bed and a few other things, like a washing machine. We're looking at selling a few things we no longer need to give us extra space.

Still Looking

Update: we haven't bought a house. I guess we will if we find one we really like. But I'm not in any hurry.

It seems to me that house prices are likely to carry on falling overall and I'm not sure I want to buy somewhere that will lose value. It seems like house prices have fallen around 25% from peak prices, but it seems as thought the debt-to-income ratio is still much higher than in previous decades and so has a way to go before we're back on track. And really it might be a while before we begin to get our way out of the sludge that is the credit crunch.

Anyhow, for now, we continue to live in our shared house with fellow housemates. Which is okay I guess.

Buying A House

OOh ooh oooh! I am so excited. Ed and I are buying a house together. It just seems like a natural thing for us to do.

Okay, well, we haven't picked out the exact house yet, but looking for somewhere near where we already live, ideally a period property with a garden.

We've done the first bit, which is got our heads around the baffling world of mortgages. I won't bore you with details, but the important thing to know is that we can afford somewhere, maybe a two or three bedroom house.

The next step is really about finding the right place, checking it over and making an offer. I understand that the market is so poor at the moment that sellers are accepting cheeky offers of 20% below asking price. I think that despite this, there are not that many folk buying, especially first time buyers, because without a decent deposit, mortgages are very expensive. But we are lucky enough to be able to put down a good deposit.

It's a bit like everything has conspired in our favour and I'm just stupidly happy right now, hooray!

Dubai Trip Jan/Feb 2009

Dubai

I have just come back from 2 weeks in Dubai with my boyfriend, Ed. We were visiting my parents. It was his first opportunity to meet them because they moved there just before Ed and I got together. He also met my sister Rachel who was there for the first week as well as my Uncle Michael, who was there for the last few days. He was a little daunted at first, but soon relaxed into being there.

Mum and Dad have an appartment in Dubai Marina. We visited the Atlantis Hotel on Palm Jumeirah (the manmade island in the shape of a giant palm tree). This is the hotel that had the largest firework display in the world when it opened in November 2008. We were impressed with the huge aquarium full of fish (complete with SCUBA diver!), giant marbles turning under a flow of water and a blown glass sculpture stretching up towards the very high ceilings in the lobby.

The Grand Opening to Atlantis had the biggest firework display the world has ever seen. Check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF7jnCcKpPM

My sister went skiing at the Mall of the Emirates at their purpose-built indoor ski slope. Here's a link to a story on the Mall and the ski slope if you're interested. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeMcIKnPLdA

There was a toy shop with everything a child could ever want from remote control cars to hand puppets to giant stuffed toys. We checked out the price of a giant stuffed toy mammoth. 25,000 dirhams (£5,000).

We went out into the desert, chatted to farmed camels, witnessed a beautiful sunset and warmed ourselves around a roaring campfire under the stars.

We went to the beach, were treated to the sight of some rather well-dressed camels. I enjoyed a mocha frappucino and became uncharacteristically animatedly thanks to the caffeine and sugar rush.

We went to top Morroccan restaurant, 'Tagine' set in the lush, tranquil, palm-lined setting of The 1 & Only Royal Mirage. I wanted to steal the beautiful, blue and white, mozaic style plates, but resisted.

We went to the gold souks, perfume souk, spice souk, textile souk. My parents bought me a stunning gold necklace as a belated birthday present. They haggled down the jeweller from 1,500 dirhams to 1,000 dirhams (just under £200). They also treated me to sandalwood perfume, frankincense and myrrh. Mum bought me an animal print nightwear set.

Ed got hungry in the textile souks and Mum asked directions from an Indian woman who offered to show us to The Golden Fox, which I imagined to be some British style pub. Actually, it turned out to be The Golden Fork, which is a budget level chain-restaurant serving Chinese food. We were quite happy with the 22 meal deal - two kinds of curry etc. with rice, salad and a drink for 22 dirhams (just over £4).

We went to Abu Dhabi and saw the most beautiful mosque - pure white with domes and minarets, the size of a cathedral and decorated with wonderful patterns inside. We had to remove our shoes and women were expected to wear an abaya and headscarf. We stopped briefly at Heritage Village, which was closed, but we could still wander around. It was a little tacky, but not too bad.

Next was the Rainbow Sheikh's car museum, some 40 minutes or more from Abu Dhabi and in the middle of nowhere, but well worth a visit. At first it seemed like it was shut. There were no cars in the car park. We were discouraged by a large sign in English and Arabic basically saying thanks for visiting, we hope to be open sometime in 2005. The doors to the pyramid shaped warhouse were locked, but we were let in and the lights were turned on. This is where Sheikh Hamad bin Hamdan Al Nahyan keeps his vast personal collection of cars (over 200 according to Wiki), including some custom-made curiosities.

There is a giant Power Wagon (a pick-up truck designed as a pulling machine). It is eight times the size of a normal Power Wagon and has been set up with a series of bedrooms. It does actually move and can pull a giant globe (a replica of Earth, a million times smaller and with its own set of rooms within) that is sat outside the Pyramid garage. There is also his signature set of cars - seven Mercedes, each one decorated inside and out with a colour of the rainbow. There are so many cars, from tiny minis, a rainbow-painted Fiat 500 and a little Smart Car through to Firebirds, Cadillacs and Rolls Royces, military vehicles, dune buggies, 4 x 4s. It really is quite a collection.

You get the sense that as well as having a huge amount of disposable cash, the Rainbow Sheikh has a serious passion for cars and a great sense of humour.

I'll try to get some more pictures up when I get a chance.