My New Friend

I have a new friend who is tall with a mass of light brown, curly hair. He is very gentle and kind. We cook together and he makes me happy. He took me out riding in the woods and I was frightened, because I don't feel safe on bikes, but I feel safe with him so I did it. I even enjoyed some of it - zipping over the roots of trees!

He seems to like me just the way I am. He is a good artist and he says he likes my writing. He says he would like to illustrate one of my stories, so who knows, maybe he will! I would like to see how he draws the Moon Girl, whether she is beautiful in her despair and how he draws the moon (is it as strong and silent as I imagine?).

I feel happy today because there is someone I can share things with.

Au Revoir

I brought his things over to the boat. I came to say good-bye.

I felt better after speaking with him. I felt that actually he knew too that the break up was absolutely the right thing: probably we should have done it a while ago, but the truth is we weren't ready until we were ready. Well, truthfully, it took some stupid incident to push us in the right direction. As he says, it was a catalyst for what needed to happen.

He has been very sure about one thing: that he wants us to be friends if possible. I didn't think that was a good idea, but I listened and thought about it. You know what, maybe it could work. It would be lovely to keep some of the connection we've had with one another - one that his been built out of truth and respect and care. I came to say good-bye, but ended up saying Au Revoir - see you later.

I feel I am in the process of finding my feet again. (I literally had trouble with this on Sunday after meeting Esther Rantzen - lost my balance and fell into an oak bench. I have the most wonderful, dappled, red and purple bruise.)

My mind is clearer, my heart less heavy.

My Mother-To-Be Friend

My beautiful friend is four months' pregnant and she is glowing. The midwife says her bump is impressively big, the sign of a healthy baby. She has reached the stage of needing to wear maternity clothes, trousers with large elasticated waistbands. Her husband is working on 'the porch' - an extension to the house which will allow a bit of extra room for when Baby is here. There is plenty to do.

Still, we all find time to go for a walk in the woods past a huge variety of dogs (cocker spaniel, golden retriever, sausage dog, dalmatian, plus some like small bears, sporting long strings of saliva) and their owners.

We plough through a catalogue and look at the paraphenalia of motherhood - breast pumps, breast pads and special clothes that allow easy, discreet breast-feeding (though some of them just look wrong - fleeces with velcro nipple flaps, rugby-style shirts with nipple buttons).

She has decided to buy terry towel nappies and other washable nappies rather than contribute to the landfill with more rubbish. She thinks she will need 30 nappies, and has 10 so far. I said that I would buy her a few really nice cloth nappies which her baby could use on special occasions perhaps. I want her to know that I'm there for her and will help as much as I can. She is lucky that both her parents and her husband's parents live nearby and will all help out in their own way. She points out that she has joined the 'mummies' club' - other mothers have welcomed her into the clan. She will be someone new to share experiences with.

I hear the news that the family from my friends' wedding have a new addition. Mum had a third baby girl and all seems well.

So how do I feel? Well, I am genuinely happy for my beautiful friend - she is happily married and I love them both very much. Each new stage she reaches will bring out my love for her, curiosity about her life experience and, no doubt, plenty more self-reflection.