Things Are Looking Up

This is a photo of my Mum (right) with her sister (left) back home after her operation. She looks remarkably well for someone who has just had a tumour removed - if fact I'm not sure I've seen her smile so broadly for a long time! I think it must be a big relief to be out of hospital and I think she was very touched because my aunt flew out from Florida just to see her and be with her.

The surgeon said that the tumour was 2cm in size and he felt confident he had removed it all. We still need to find out if it is malignant. This is likely, but we are expecting to learn that it is a low grade, Oa or 1a. There are four grades of cancer, 1-4 and the higher the number, the more advanced and aggressive it is. So this would be good news.

Incidentally, would you believe that Mum is now in her sixties? She's very fit and trim.

Ma

Uggh. My Mum had an operation today, on her kidney. They initially thought it was a kidney stone, but a couple of days ago the urologist had some doubts and she's been fast-tracked into surgery.

I understand that the operation seemed to go well and that she is feeling fine. Her sister is there, flown in from the States.

We don't know yet if it's cancer. It is hard not to be scared.

Sharpitor, Leather Tor and Burritor in Autum

I love being out in the rugged, ancient landscape of Dartmoor.

It was a bright day, with the distant sun illuminating soft, warm oranges and golds. I climbed Sharpitor and walked to Leather Tor, climbed that, then followed the leat through Burritor, through the pine woods, along water-soaked logging trails and back to the road.

It was a steep climb to Sharpitor over haphazard clitter. At the top, I ate my lunch and took in the wonderful view. It was such a clear day, I could see the sea. As I continued, I passed dartmoor ponies huddling at the base of Leather Tor. I had a good climb over the clitter and tor there, enjoying the challenge of using my arms to lift myself up into granite crevices. I sat there for a while just enjoying the view and taking photos.

I headed down into Burrator, past some old trees coated with thick, green moss, into the pine woodland. I came across a sheep nibbling on grass in amongst the trees. Its wool coat was thick, making it seem very fat indeed. It seemed oblivious to the bramble it was carrying.

I reached the leat. The flowing water chimed and resonated. It was refreshing and energising, as if I had quenched a thirst I did not know I had. Onwards through the woods, past more ponies and suddenly so many mushrooms, lurking around roots and rotting logs. I flicked through my mushroom book, but couldn't tell what was what.

I noticed the light was fading. I was making slow process today, being much more interested in taking photos and investigating everything I came across. I couldn't resist stopping every time I came across an interesting mushroom or toadstool!!

The ground was getting increasingly boggy underfoot and I was struggling to find a way through. It was a race against the coming darkness. There are no bears or wolves in this part of the world, but still I felt my fear of getting lost in such a place at night. How easy it would be to get confused in the strange shadows! I finally found a narrow point of the stream and jumped, landing a little awkwardly so that my ankle turned over. It is the same ankle that I have sprained three times. It was not sprained this time, just a little sore.

I made it back to the car before the last of the light had faded, wondering at the beauty of this rugged place.

2 Weeks of Bliss

It is so wonderful being off work for a couple of weeks. I can do whatever I want!
So far that has been:
sleeping in late
making dark chocolate and mango brownies with pine nuts, walnuts and brazil
making lavendar-scented candles with layers of purple and pink and real roses in them
making a huge pumpkin and mushroom soup
making Christmas cards
going for a (short) run
making plans to go and see my favourite singer-songwriter play in London
planning to visit the British Museum and an exhibition of 'Weird and Wonderful Inventions'
planning to have an Action Day with my best friend's husband - walking/ caves/ canoeing
inviting my friend and husband over for dinner
planning my friend's baby shower

Scratch n' Sniff

I have been very excited about smells today. I bought some sandalwood incense from the Chinese shop on the Barbican and a mandarin orange soap in a tin from the Woollen Mill.

I think I have sniffed both items about 8 times each already. Yes! They still smell wonderful!

I have also forced other people to smell them as well and they complied, but perhaps that was just so they didn't upset me too much!

Far Away

My family are far, far away. I try not to feel abandoned. After all, it was me who went far, far away from them many years ago. I put 5 and a half hours between them and me, just so that I could feel sure they wouldn't sneak up on me.

My parents are in the Middle East and my sister is in California.

Sometimes I want to fly away. But when you've moved a lot growing up, like I have, it feels important to stay still for a while, to establish a sense of home. I guess I might have got to the stage where I've internalised a sense of home, so that I could go anywhere and feel safe and stable and loved.

They are a good family these days. They write to me and tell me that they think about me, that they care. I do the same. We say what we really think. We look out for one another.

It's not bad really. Maybe they're not so far away, after all.

My New Friend

I have a new friend who is tall with a mass of light brown, curly hair. He is very gentle and kind. We cook together and he makes me happy. He took me out riding in the woods and I was frightened, because I don't feel safe on bikes, but I feel safe with him so I did it. I even enjoyed some of it - zipping over the roots of trees!

He seems to like me just the way I am. He is a good artist and he says he likes my writing. He says he would like to illustrate one of my stories, so who knows, maybe he will! I would like to see how he draws the Moon Girl, whether she is beautiful in her despair and how he draws the moon (is it as strong and silent as I imagine?).

I feel happy today because there is someone I can share things with.